Blessings

1/10/2008

As the days wind on with no prospect of work, I can feel my self confidence ebbing away. A general funk has taken over my thoughts creating a fog through which I experience everything. It is at a time like this when I am reminded to count my blessings.

When I woke up this morning, I was still in a warm house, surrounded by loved ones in perfect health. Meanwhile just three miles away, others were waking up to yet another round of life draining kemotherapy in an effort to beat back the demon gnawing at their life. Down the hall others scarcely wake up at all. Having no hope of recovery, they are mostly sedated to keep them comfortable in their last hours. And down on the first floor, there is a woman who just hours ago had every hope of a long and vigorous life. Now doctors are working desperately to restore her vital signs after the accident so they can begin the endless hours of surgery. Even with a positive outcome, it will take years of therapy and plastic surgery to accomplish anything remotely close to what she used to call normal.

In an apartment down the street as the couple rises out of bed for the day, little is spoken. She longs for a home. He longs for a son. Both of them are forever forbidden from their dreams due to infertility. Sure adoption is a consideration, but deep down in each of their psyches their longing is to produce, love and nurture an heir, not to a fortune, but something more important than money. They long to see the miracle of a part of them in the eyes of another. But it never shall be.

In our very own community a mother wakes her children for school. She makes sure their clothes match, urges them to get their backpacks and makes their lunches while they eat breakfast. But there is a hole in the morning air for them. The father has left. Divorce is imminent. She hasn't worked in years. He has decided he wants nothing more to do with them beyond what the attorneys demand of him.

So when you look at it that way, I guess things can always be worse. My four children are well. My wife is well. We have some extra time during the day while the kids are at school to actually have a conversation. The kids are gaining a new appreciation for how good homeschooling was. I am learning just how much money we have thoughtlessly wasted as I now watch every dollar being spent. We are all learning something.